Since a major breakup with girl field I just want to get drunk every nite. I'm 55 years old divorce?

after 25 yrs for 5 years never drank.. met this lady and drank sociallby... We were to married.. then familyt illness, inconsiderate daughters my side. jealously from both..We are basically broke up .. I still love her with all my heart and soul.. only xanax.. klolopin and alchohol get me thru the night.. I don't care if if I live without her... Right now I'm so drunk I can hardly type. I've been drunk every nighte since the around the end of march when her mother, my adopted mammaw died. I love her with all of my heary and soul I told the incondsiderate and uncarign son in law off so no the whole family hates me. but she stilll says she can only depend on me but has to got behind everyones back.. Only now I am so hurt and numb i could not dirive to help her. I just want to be numb and God to take me home. I love her with all my heart and soul and would give her life for her. Now she won't even talk to me. She's got major problems afer back surgery and going thru narcotics withdrawal